From as far back as I can remember I have been a Christian, which to me meant that I believed in God and that He sent Jesus Christ to die for me to be my saviour. But truth be told, I had no freaking clue what this actually meant! I went to church as a child and as a teenager but I never really knew who God was and who this Jesus was that died for me. I just knew that I had made Him my Saviour and that I had secured a ticket to heaven one day. HOORAH!
Don’t mistake what I am saying, I wanted to know God and I wanted to know more about Jesus but I also wanted to have fun with young people and as far as I could see there were no young people TRULY enjoying being Christians.
They enjoyed the things that most young people enjoy; drinking, smoking a variety of things, going to parties, seeing which girls or guys catch their eye and just doing whatever they feel like doing.
There were many young people who said they were Christians but they certainly never behaved like it. They enjoyed the things that most young people enjoy; drinking, smoking a variety of things, going to parties, seeing which girls or guys catch their eye and just doing whatever they feel like doing. And so the little flame, which was the desire I had to know God and Jesus Christ was squashed, smothered, put aside and basically ignored on a daily basis. The thing was though, it never really went away! I could never completely ignore the desire in me to know Jesus. I tried HARD!
What made it so much harder was that I had a mom and dad that actually loved God and they enjoyed being Christians! Can you believe it?! They would pray together, worship God (loudly) together, speak to my brother and I about what God was saying to them and they would go to EVERY meeting our church (at that time) was holding. So I could see that it was possible to enjoy being a Christian and to know God but I was still overwhelmingly conflicted! I wanted to be accepted by my friends at school and I couldn’t see another way except to do what everyone else was doing.
It was in my teenage years that I became a “gangster,” or so I thought. I found myself drawn to the rapping, hip-hopping, break-dancing, gangster crowd! I was so proud to be listening to hip-hop music that “no one else” was listening to. We called it, “underground” hip-hop! It was so underground that it sounded like it was actually made underground!
I would practice my breakdancing at school during breaks and after school and did some small performances with a crew until I injured my ankle ligaments quite badly. This injury was about the same time that I was “asked to leave” school,which is a nice way of saying I was expelled from the school I was attending at that time. My friends and I were caught growing and smoking marajuana. This was not a proud day! I told myself I didn’t care but I was just trying to deal with the pain of being expelled. I didn’t ever think I would be “that kid!”
...I was “asked to leave” school, which is a nice way of saying I was expelled from the school I was attending at that time. My friends and I were caught growing and smoking marajuana.
All this time I knew God was calling my name, asking me to come to Him so He could give me purpose and confidence! I knew He had answers but I was determined to live my life the way I wanted to! I tried filling my life with as many distractions and activities as I could but whenever I was alone with my own thoughts I was desperately unhappy! This is what drove me into my ultimate drug addiction.
This is what drove me into my ultimate drug addiction.
I was married to my beautiful wife Marcelle when I was 23 (she was barely 20). I knew nothing of what it actually meant to be committed to another person! I had only been committed to myself up to this point. I thought that somehow being married would give me some purpose and enjoyment. It did nothing of the sort. In fact it only served to highlight just how selfish I was and how little I knew about life and loving someone else. I continued to bury myself in drugs. I weighed between 72kg and 75kg most of my adult life however while I was using drugs I dropped down to 61kg. I was basically a human skeleton. My life was an absolute mess! I had moved out of the house with my wife and was living off anyone who would have me. I continued to bury my shame and fear in drugs until I finally reached my “rock bottom!” I imagine this was how the prodigal son in the bible must have felt. I found myself living and eating with the pigs and “came to myself.” I cried out to my family for help and together they worked to get me into a drug rehabilitation centre in Durban (South Africa) called “The Cedars.” I was forced to confront many horrible truths about myself and about how selfish and self-centred I had become. I learned just how much heartache I had put my wife and family through. I had broken down almost all traces of trust. The only hope that was really left was that I could make the choice to change. My wife was clinging to this hope with everything she had left in her.
I can not tell you that I had some “shining light” moment or that I had some heavenly encounter with angels or anything like that. What I can say though is that I made a decision everyday that I was going to change and NEVER go back to that way of living. I went to AA and NA meetings everyday for a year and then regularly after that. I often say this to people, “God took me to AA and NA to bring me back to Him”.
I am so grateful to God for restoring my life! I now have 3 beautiful children and an adoring wife that I also ADORE!
I am so grateful to God for restoring my life! I now have 3 beautiful children and an adoring wife that I also ADORE! I was also recently given the title of Pastor for which I am truly grateful and also humbled. Only God could do such a miracle. The journey of how I have come to this place in my life and how I know others can get here is what I would like to share in SNCTRY.
I thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share this beautiful life we can all live in Jesus and for Jesus.